For me, breastfeeding has been quite a roller coaster ride. I’ve nursed all 7 of my children….but our experiences have been all over the map. I’ve endured all the troubles, and the triumphs, that nursing can bring along.
Here’s the full dossier:
Joseph was my first baby. I read a lot about breastfeeding during pregnancy and was enthusiastic and (so I thought) well-educated. But the antibiotics I was given for my c-section led to a massive candida/yeast infection in my breasts and the pain was excruciating. Plus, Joseph came early and was small, so he struggled mightily with correct latch. Things just went from bad to worse, and Jeremiah and I worried that Joseph wasn’t getting enough to eat. His weight was barely inching up the scales. After 2 months of prescription medication, pain, crying and constant weigh-ins, the stress was just too much. I switched to formula. For many in breastfeeding circles, this classifies as a failure. Not to me! I was thrilled with those warm bottles of Enfamil; feedings were now happy, quiet and satisfying times. It was pure bliss to see my infant son getting nice and chubby. For me, the horrible pains and burning sensations were gone. But I was sad that breastfeeding hadn’t worked out as planned. I figured that with this experience under my belt, the next time would be easier.
Catherine came along the following year, my first successful VBAC! She was a chubby, rosy-cheeked baby, and eager to nurse. Although the first week was extremely painful for me, I reasoned that it was just the toughening-up phase. But the pain didn’t go away. I started to crack and bleed. One morning I awoke feeling like the Illinois Central had run over my body. When my husband found me shivering and shaking in bed, he knew it was time to get me to the hospital. The news wasn’t good: I had a severe case of mastitis AND a post-delivery uterine infection to boot. Worse still, the military hospital would not allow me to room in with week-old Catherine. I was such a greenhorn, and so desperately ill, I didn’t have the gumption to fight back. So I began pumping milk (which hurt like heck because of the infection) and sending it home to my newborn. After nearly a week in the hospital on high-powered antibiotics, guess what happened? Another YEAST infection. I was feeling pretty low at that point, and had no desire to go through more pain and more medication. I just wanted to be well, get back home and feed by baby girl without tears. “Maybe I’m just not meant to nurse a baby,” I thought. So Catherine went on formula at just 2 weeks of age.
Once again, I was really disappointed about our nursing plans going awry.
Margaret is the beautiful little baby we lost in 2007. Her problems with nursing were very unique. Because of severe heart defects and low oxygen levels, breastfeeding for her was like a brisk job. She just couldn’t do it without becoming exhausted. Although I pumped for five months, there still were not enough calories in my breast milk to sustain her and promote weight gain, so high-calorie formula powder was added to what I pumped. I thank God for that formula that helped to nourish Margaret during her short life. God called her home just before she turned six months, but I was grateful for being able to provide some of my little girl’s milk until she died. Still, amidst all the grief of losing our little girl, there was a twinge of sadness in my heart because I still felt the experience of nursing one of my children long term was out of reach.
Benjamin is what mothers call a Rainbow Baby. God sent him after the storm of grief that followed Margaret’s passing. Call it stubbornness or sheer force of will, but I steeled myself physically for the ordeal and nursed him right through the horrible pain of yet another yeast infection (caused, as before, by antibiotics). If you’ve never experienced candida while nursing, let’s just say I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. The stabbing pains are felt deep in the breast and when baby latches on it feels like hot knives are stabbing your skin. Multiply this by 8-10 feedings a day for an insight into my misery. It took nearly 4 months to completely clear the infection up; but after that, we reached the summit of the mountain. By that I mean that Benjamin was breastfed until he was 14 months old. Something I had waited 6 years for!
It was actually difficult to wean him because I treasured that time so much…BUT I became pregnant again and that sort of solved that dilemma for me. 🙂
Samuel came along next and I felt ready for anything. My first decision was to decline antibiotics during labor even though I had tested positive for Group B strep. I did LOTS of research and was 100% happy with the outcome; my midwife supported me wholeheartedly. After 4 babies, I had learned my pattern: antibiotics=yeast. We got through the first few weeks of toughening up, and newborn Samuel and I were soon nursing pros. Because of an early return to fertility and a surprise pregnancy test at 7 months postpartum, he weaned at 11 months.
Susanna was born and the story reads almost exactly the same. Once again, I tested positive for Group B strep, and once again I said “No thanks!” to the IV. So glad I did! No antibiotics, no yeast and no pain! Breastfeeding went very smoothly and once again we were happily surprised by a Dollar Store test at about 7 or 8 months postpartum. Susanna weaned before her first birthday (I’ve learned that after about 3 months into a pregnancy, my milk supply changes and dwindles to almost nothing).
Erik is number seven and he nurses like a trooper. Besides the initial soreness that always happens in the first month (more on this below), we made it through and have a good and comfortable nursing relationship now.
UPDATE – Added my experiences with Ingrid (#8) and Mary Kate (#9) below.
Ingrid was born in 2014 and was yet another unique experience. She contracted pneumonia at just one day old and had to be admitted to the NICU for one week. This delayed nursing, and caused me some extra pain (from engorgement) and anxiety. For the first days, doctor’s orders were nothing by mouth at all, which was very frustrating, but we had to trust it was for the best since her respirations were higher than normal. Before the first week was out, I was allowed to hold her and attempt some short nursing sessions, which she tolerated well. At 8 days old, her antibiotics were done and she came home.
And then I went through the typical first month pain. This always happens to me, even with a good latch. It’s worse than the normal soreness or toughening up. My midwife finally told me, “You have very sensitive skin, and combined with the small mouth of a newborn that can only open so wide, the pain is going to persist until baby grows bigger.”
And that’s exactly what happens. Sometime after the first month, I notice that nursing doesn’t hurt so much anymore. By three months, I’m pain free.
Mary Kate was my first home birth! She was also my biggest baby at 9 pounds. Yet the month-long soreness had to be dealt with yet again.
I deal with the early pain of nursing by using a breast pump when feeding my baby is just too excruciating, or when the skin is cracked and/or bleeding. Just 4-6 hours of relief can make a lot of difference in terms of physical healing, and emotional well being. Although a manual pump is fine, several years ago I invested in a good double electric Medela and never have regretted that purchase. I’ve also lent it out to friends, and am glad to have the resource.
I’ve also learned that you don’t really need to slather yourself with ointments and creams to heal; sometimes just being exposed to air is enough.
There are many people out there who believe so strongly in breastfeeding that they would scale Mount Everest with a baby strapped to their back if that was necessary to get it done.
I’m not one of those people. While I did persevere through some difficulties, there were definitely some hurdles that I personally felt were too overwhelming, and NOT worth tackling just so I could say I breastfed. So you won’t read my story in a mothering magazine with a headline like “If I can do it, anyone can!” There are many reasons why some mothers can’t or don’t breastfeed, and it’s not my place to approve or disapprove. A happy, nourished, loved child is a blessing that I will celebrate with any mother any day!
That being said, breastfeeding is undeniably a baby’s ideal food, so I’m a huge believer in support and advocacy. Speaking of, do you have questions about nursing? Need some encouragement? Want to get something off your chest? (Sorry for the bad joke….)
Just leave a comment or use the Contact Me tab above. I would love to help if I can, or just listen (if that’s all you need).Â
Thank you for sharing your story! It’s amazing. And congrats on so many kids so close together! We are pregnant with no. 3 – our first two were 20 months apart and our second should be 17 months apart – yet we are already getting the question, ‘you know what causes that, right?’ YES and we want more kids! 😀
Hi Jessie! Yes it doesn’t take long before the questions start getting pretty nosy. You might enjoy this laugh from last year: http://www.zephyrhillblog.com/2012/04/big-families-are-they-all-yours-some-snappy-comebacks/ ~Anne
Those are great, thanks for the laugh. I wonder if I’ll ever be snarky enough to have a comeback ready at the right time, ha ha!
All your adorable baby pictures are making me want another! My third is now 7 months old and still breastfeeding almost exclusively since she doesn’t like food, ha ha. We are done with 3 though as I don’t think I could do this again. My first 2 boys are only 16 months apart and #2 and #3 are 18 months apart.
Thanks, Rachel! My baby is also 7 months and not eating solids at all. I’ve heard of some moms who wait until a year, but I’ve never tried that before. ~Anne
I feel really fortunate that I’m able to breastfeed my baby (my first) so easily. We had a few minor troubles early on, but everything has been smooth sailing for 6+ months. Thanks for sharing your experiences!
So glad to hear it went well for you, Libby! Success stories make me smile! ~Anne
Thank you so much for this! I’m a week postpartum with baby #3 and my first two trials with breastfeeding were complete disasters! I’m determined to do better this time, but not kill myself over it. Thank you for saying that switching to formula was not a failure. I have felt much guilt because of feeding my kids formula and held myself in judgement because it seems I’m the only one of my friends to fail at breastfeeding. I need to hear that. Thank you again. 🙂
Jasmine, I think you’re attitude is wonderful. You can always try, right? Sometimes life (and breastfeeding) doesn’t go according to plan, but if it’s something you want, then wait and try again.
I’m glad my words were an encouragement to you! It’s ok to be disappointed or discouraged when nursing doesn’t work out, but I wouldn’t want any mother to feel like a failure. ~Anne
Thank you for sharing! I also have had struggles with breastfeeding and I just love hearing success stories from people who have overcome the difficulties. 🙂
You bet, Morgan! ~Anne
Thanks for sharing your story! You’re quite the mom to persevere like that! I had a few troubles along the way but nothing o bad as you had and we are still going at 17 months.
Lynn, 17 months is wonderful! I’m hoping to do that or longer with Erik. It would be a record for me. ~Anne
Thank you for sharing your story. I struggled for 6 months trying to BF my girl and we had to combo feed due to low supply that couldn’t be resolved by any means. We eventually had to exclusively formula feed for my own sanity and I finally put the pump away. I now have a smart, sweet and strong 16 month old. Your post gives me hope to try again with our next one, but I feel like I’ve learned that it’s not giving up, it’s about doing what is best for you, baby and family. I will try again, but next time I will not put myself through emotional hell or spend hours of precious time attached to a pump when I could be holding my baby!
I don’t think I could have said it any better than you did, Ashley. “It’s not giving up, it’s about doing what is best for you, baby, and family.” Thanks for your wonderful comment! ~Anne
I was blessed to have relatively problem-free nursing relationships with both of my daughters, but I know that’s not the case for everybody. Thank you for sharing your story! It’s so interesting to hear about the wide range of breastfeeding experiences that mamas have. Anne, I admire your persistence and commitment to doing your best for your babies.
Thanks for the sweet comment, Olivia. I’ve been following your blog and like it a lot! ~Anne
I am sorry for your loss Margaret was a beautiful baby.
I nursed my oldest for around 2 and a half years. He had a bottle as soon as he was born. (Emergency section) my husband gave him the bottle and several others while we were in the hospital. I pumped milk and there was almost none. After pumping both sides for 45 minutes each there wasn’t even enough to fill a medicine dropper. (I know because the nurse fed it to him with a medicine dropper.) When it was time to leave the hospital we were sent home with formula. I still kept trying to nurse him. My milk came in finally but it was still a struggle and I almost gave up. Went to a lactation consultant and she worked with me. Tried a few things and it turns out all I needed was a nursing pillow. What a huge difference I was more relaxed and so was my baby. My husband went to buy me a nursing pillow as soon as we got home. Things went pretty well. There was 1 time my son bit me and it was extremely painful to nurse from that side for a week or so but we got through it. When I got pregnant again I nursed him for a few moreonths but he self weened pretty quickly. (That was hard because he only nursed at bed.the and nap time.) He stopped napping then but was fine to go to bed after a few days. (Didn’t understand that he weened on his own didn’t want the milk anymore but had trouble going to sleep without it)
After a 5 or 6 month break from nursing my oldest I had my youngest. He too had a bottle as soon as he was born. (Another c-section.) After that first bottle I nursed him with no problems. My milk was in right away and he had a perfect latch. I made sure I had a new nursing pillow before he was born. I have been nursing him for almost 14 months and will continue to nurse him until he self weens. (Or turns 3 as I’m all for letting him self ween but you have to put a stop to it after a certain point. 3rd birthday is my limit)
That’s great you were able to nurse your oldest boy for so long, Francine! I admire you for sticking to it through the difficulties. Mine have also had trouble giving up that very last nursing session at bedtime. Even if they aren’t hungry, they still don’t want to give up the comfort measure. I’m so glad that your second experience with nursing was virtually trouble-free! ~Anne
Enjoyed reading this, thank you for sharing!!
Thank you for sharing! I experienced challenges during the initial weeks/months of breastfeeding, with the need to supplement (which I now think could have been avoided if I knew what I was doing, LOL). Although I have come to peace that I was not able to EBF, I think about the challenges sometimes and the disappointment starts to creep back in. Your story was inspiring and made me feel good about my choices. We do what we do to be the best mothers. Like you, I hope to have an opportunity to EBF in the future.
Katie, sounds like you have done a great job and I know you made the best decision at the time for your baby and your family. We learn and grow as life goes on, but what’s important is that we are being the best mom we can be at any given time. You are spot on! ~Anne
Kudos to you for breastfeeding 7!! I strive to be like you ha ha ha. Probably won’t happen though since my husband thinks I’m pregnant again and our youngest is 6 months. He said he’s getting snipped if I am lmbo. Anyhoo, all my babies are breastfed and hope to go 2 years minimum with our 6 month old 🙂 They tried to get us to switch because he wasn’t really gaining weight his first month. After I told them to kick rocks and that I would breastfeed him every second of the day if I had to, I checked and lo and behold, he had both a lip and tongue tie. Got it snipped and he’s now almost 30lbs at 6 months old ba ha ha ha ha ha.
I’ve heard about tongue-tie and how it can sabotage nursing. Good for you, going in to Mama Bear mode and discovering the problem! Wow, that’s a big boy and it must be rewarding to look at how healthy and beautiful he is. Thanks for sharing your story, Renee! ~Anne
I love reading all the different breastfeeding journeys and success stories!
This really makes me wish that I was strong enough to stick with breast feeding my youngest! the pain was so insane that i just couldn’t do it on top of me being single with no help and no sleep at all I essentially gave up once my youngest was about 2-3 weeks. he’s now almost 13 months, doesn’t sleep still but hes healthy boy. I didn’t plan on having any kids, EVER! My two were birth control surprises, and i don’t want anymore, BUT if i ever did have anymore..i’d going to try to push through the pain the best i can to breast feed longer!
Anne, what a beautiful story and gift to nursing mothers. I love your honesty, your non-judgemental message that everyone must decide for themselves what works best for the health and happiness of their baby and family.
Thank you so much for the kind words, Ida, and for taking time to stop by and comment! ~Anne
Your babies are all beautiful! You are also an amazing mamma for breastfeeding them through all highs and lows.
Thank you, Vanessa! ~Anne
Thanks for sharing your story! I haven’t been able to exclusively nurse a baby yet due to extremely low milk supply but this encourages me to continue trying to nurse future babies!
I’m happy my post gave you some hope, Michelle, and I pray the low milk supply won’t be an issue with your future children! ~Anne
Thank u for this… I know it was posted quiet some time ago but I have not had much luck breast feeding my first two. My first was born early and had a week suck and no latch. He wouldn’t even take a bottle for the first day or two we had to syringe feed him colostrum that I pumped. We eventually got him to take a bottle but never got him to latch. I pumped for almost three months and decided I was ready to be done. I didn’t produce enough thru pumping to keep up with him anyway and we switched to formula. With my second she was a nursing champ but something was wrong. The pain was awful. I was in pain 24/7. Lactation consultant just said everything looked great. The pain finally got to me and I stopped nursing around the 3 week mark. It was just unbearable. Not when she nursed but after she nursed and throughout the day. The most pain was shortly after she stopped nursing. Burning awful pain…. After I gave up it was really hard on me. I cried and cried b/c I wanted to nurse so badly. I tried to relactate with no success. I researched and researched and came to the conclusion, with the assistance from the lactation consultant that the pain was caused by Raynaud’s phenomenon, which runs in my family. I am hoping that armed with this information and being prepared, that I can be successful this time around. Hopefully third time’s a charm.